the relentless pursuit of better

I had hoped that outing myself as a recovering alcoholic would open up the floodgates of my writing. I had envisioned really raw, insightful posts immediately after my last update, expounding on all of the lessons in wisdom I’ve been “holding back on” because you didn’t have the backdrop to a significant portion of my […]

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On Drinking Too Much

At twenty-five, I was working as a waitress and not using the fairly impressive-sounding degree I held from a fairly prestigious California university. From an outsider’s view, it didn’t make much sense. Why was she working in the restaurant industry and not using any of her potential? I frequently got asked by the customers I was […]

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This Is 30

It feels so good to finally be here. Anticipating thirty was about as enjoyable as going to the dentist for a cleaning. I hate the dentist and I hated working up to turning thirty. It made me queasy. It made me panic. It made me question what on Earth I have been doing my whole […]

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On Choices and Freedom

A little over two hundred days ago, I left the very secure and very predictable job I held at the company I had been with for nearly three years and took on a new role with a different organization. This new role, to all outward appearances, had the makings of a dream job. The company that […]

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In 2017 I Hope

In January, I wrote out my list of wishes for me and for you, and life gave me exactly what I needed to bring this list into fruition. This year taught me that in 2017… I hope that you look at your fears. I hope that you face them, squarely and wholly and as deeply as […]

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Enough

One of the hardest things I grapple with is convincing myself that I do, that I am, enough. There’s this incessant feeling ruminating in the background, this self-appraisal that often goes too far and bleeds into self-deprecation, that I should be doing more. That I should be further along. That I should be more than […]

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Big Birthdays

This Thursday marked three years without a drink. And in seven days I will turn twenty-nine. On that day three years ago, I was starting over. Internally, everything felt wrong. While to outsiders it looked like I was holding everything together, inside I was a mess. I had hit a dead-end. I was more terrified […]

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On Letting Go

How do you let go? I don’t know about you, but I love to hold on to things. Old birthday cards, favorite books, cherished friendships, my stuffed tiger that I’ve had since I was seven years old, old bottles of perfume that still have a couple drops of fragrance left in them, resentment, guilt, self-pity, […]

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The Beauty In The Mess

Many years from now, when you look back at the chapter in your story that you are in the middle of writing at this very moment, what do you want it to say? I used to want my story to be tidy and efficient and easy to read out loud. I wanted to leave the […]

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On Decision Making

Let’s talk about good versus great. What differentiates the good from the great? How do you get from one to the other? Decisions. Your decisions reflect who you are and who you aim to become. Your decisions pave the path to your future successes. I don’t want good. I don’t want acceptable. I don’t want […]

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