The dating world can be terrifying. First dates are tricky. Even the best of them have their fair share of awkward moments. There are just so many unknowns on a first date; the anticipation of how it will go, the potential to begin again, the excitement of getting to know someone who could possibly become important in your life.
Unless, of course, your date blabs too much about stuff he shouldn’t.
I’ve gathered some experiences from more than a few first dates to create a list of the top worst things that men can talk about, in general or too soon. Ten items makes for a short list when I have no shortage of good material, but these were pretty easy to discern as the ultimate don’ts.
10 Things Women Don’t Want to Hear About
1. Your ex. It’s a little ridiculous that we even have to go over this, because it seems like such an obvious thing not to bring up. Let us spell it out for you, we by no means ever want to hear about your ex-girlfriend, your ex-wife, or your ex-best friend that you were in love with. Additionally, we don’t want to hear about how you are still friends with any of the previously mentioned, how much you hate any of the previously mentioned, or how over any of the previously mentioned you are. By bringing up the ex, we only see how not over her you still are.
2. Your drunkalogues. No woman wants to hear about that one time you got so wasted that you (fill in the blank). We get it, drunk stories can be hilarious and show us that you are capable of having fun and living on the edge. But oh how quickly a story about how you were so drunk that one time leads to a description of you vomiting on your front porch (Yep, this is an example from a real first date!). Save these stories for once we have gotten to know you better, and give us time to believe in this responsible person you present yourself as.
3. That you’re not a cheater. If you feel the absolute need to declare this to us, it probably means you are one. If you really are someone who doesn’t stray, then your loyalty will become clear as we get to know you better. You don’t need to be the spokesperson for all the nice guys left out there. It’s reverse psychology, if you say you’re not one it makes us wonder if we need to worry that you are one.
4. About your bromances. You love your best guy friends. And we understand, because we love our best girlfriends. We read you loud and clear, you want us to know that you won’t give up your bromances for us. We would never expect you to, because we wouldn’t give up our female friendships for you either. It’s cute that you love them so much, really, but it also could spell trouble for us. If a guy is too into his bros, he might not be good at balancing time in a relationship. No woman wants to play second fiddle to her man’s best buds.
5. About how much money you make or all the important people you know. No matter how you present this information to us, it comes across as bragging. Bragging is a red flag for a huge ego and a whole mess of other issues. If you make a lot of money, that’s great for you. We can support ourselves. If you know a lot of really cool people and are super connected, that’s fabulous. However, we are never quite sure how to react to this information but would you like a cookie? usually comes to mind. Possibly the worst part of this mistake is that you begin to sound dishonest.
6. Your feelings on strippers. Never, ever, is this a topic you want to bring up on a first date. Even if you are saying you can’t stand them, have never seen one, don’t even like lap dances, and/or any other lies you want us to believe…just stop. right. there. Once you mention strippers, we picture them all over you and now you’re screwed. Don’t try to play the hero and just leave it alone.
7. Your two-a-days at the gym. Do you even lift, bro? News flash- we don’t care. Yeah, we want you to be fit and to lead an active lifestyle, but we don’t want your gym schedule to negate the possibility of spontaneity in our dating life. The gym should not be a place you’re spending four hours a day at, or something we might have to plan our schedule around.
8. Your relationship with your mother. Even if you have the best of intentions by telling us about you mother, it has the potential to give some really poor first impressions. If you are too close with her, she could be an interference in our relationship. If you hate her, there’s the possibility that you have trouble trusting and respecting women. It’s a complicated subject, and best left for a later time.
9. Compliments that fish for brownie points. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about here. The cheesy, awful lines that you know have been used on all the girls before you and are still in his rotation because they have at least a 75% success rate. For example: you are saying how rushed you were getting ready to go somewhere, and he says something like No way, you could never look bad. I’m sure you wake up looking that beautiful. Gag.
10. Your fervent desire for change in your life/career, with no plan to execute. If you’ve got a plan that’s great, if you’ve got a plausible plan then that’s even better. If all you’ve got is a burning hatred towards your life/job, we sure don’t want to hear about it. Save it, cause ain’t nobody got time for that!
Dating teaches us about what we want for ourselves, out of a partner, and arms us with good material to entertain our girlfriends with. If nothing less, a bad date can give us good perspective. Dating is hard. It’s always been hard, and it will continue to be hard until we find the one that sticks. The tricky part isn’t the dating itself, it’s the having fun with it while you kiss a few frogs along the way.
Do you have any dating don’ts, or dos, that you would like to add to this list?