Have you ever experienced a time when you have hit a goal or achieved a significant milestone, and all the feelings you are feeling are just so anticlimactic?
You don’t feel elated. You don’t feel triumphant. You just feel kind of, meh.
Tonight I have my last shift at the restaurant, and as happy as I am to finally have every Friday and Saturday evening off, there is something else I am feeling. Something less than happy, excited, or even just meh.
I am scared to not have the extra income anymore. I am scared that without it, the debt that I have worked so hard to get myself out of will creep back. What is more, I have practically always worked in a restaurant. It is fun. It has introduced me to amazing people, and given me lifelong friends. It is a part of my identity that I have so say goodbye to, even though I may not be completely ready.
Sounds silly, doesn’t it? That I consider working in a restaurant part of my identity. Hear me out.
Working for the restaurant has taught me how to do many things. It has taught me to keep calm under pressure. It has taught me to think on my feet. It has taught me to keep my temper when dealing with a difficult guest, or an employee I don’t agree with. It has taught me to multitask, to problem-solve, to function as part of a team, and how to talk to anybody and everybody. It was there for me when I got laid off. It has been my motivator, my escape, enabled me to reach my financial goals, and it has been an invaluable source of networking and opportunity.
That is a lot to say goodbye to.
As hard as it is, it is time to let go. I have to look the fear in the face and have faith that I am opening myself up to new opportunities by doing this. I
want need to focus on my career and my writing, and to actually experience what it is like to have weekends off. I am burnt out. I am tired of working exhausting shifts throughout the holiday season. I am tired of having to say no to so many things because I have said yes to making money, for so long.
The restaurant went from being something I needed, to something I was holding onto like a security blanket. Letting go feels strong and weak at the same time. Something inside of me is nudging me forward, away from the person I have been comfortable being and into who I am becoming.
Maybe it feels anticlimactic because it has taken me longer than it should to finally let go of that security blanket. Maybe this is the universe’s way of telling me to relax; to go with it, trust in it, and that every little thing is going to be okay.
Here goes nothing.
Have you ever said goodbye to something that you felt was a part of you? I want to hear about it!
*Top photo via Pinterest.