In 2021 I Hope

To recap on 2020: things did not go as planned. I had rung in the New Year halfway across the world, scuba diving in the warm tropical waters of Guam and Palau. Not too long after spending the holidays abroad, the global pandemic brought our world to a screeching halt. Everything changed and it changed […]

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on complex trauma

I took my first drink at fifteen. Rum. Bacardi Limon, to be precise. Over eighteen years later my throat still recoils at the memory of the flavor. The liquid tasted awful going down, but it sure felt heavenly once it went into effect. It wasn’t really ever about the alcohol. I never really liked the […]

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The Things I Don’t Talk About

Vulnerability hooks me. It calls me close. It’s a brave act. A demonstration that the thing being shared is more important than the perceived safety of holding it inside. That the thing needing to be revealed is far more important than the discomfort of revealing it. It’s a sacrifice. An unfolding. A blessing. Vulnerability comes […]

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On healing

I remember being twenty-five, newly sober, and feeling like the scum of the earth. Everything felt impossibly hard and overwhelming. I remember being scared, so scared, that I had messed everything up beyond the possibility of repair. Everything was a hurdle. I couldn’t figure out how I had gotten to where I was, why everything […]

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In 2019 I hope

There’s something so magical held within the promise of a new beginning. Fresh starts, blank slates. I love them. Pregnant with hope and with trepidation, all interwoven and impossible to separate. I cannot seem to hold one without the other. In December of 2016 I wrote this postĀ and, in closing, wished for 2017 to change […]

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In Response to Suicide Heartbreak

Twice in one week we see the headlines filled with the news of suicide. Twice in one week my heart fills with grief, deep understanding, and feelings of powerlessness for these souls who thought that leaving was their only solution to the pain. Kate Spade was one of my favorite designers. My family has a […]

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In 2017 I Hope

In January, I wrote out my list of wishes for me and for you, andĀ life gave me exactly what I needed to bring this list into fruition. This year taught me that in 2017… I hope that you look at your fears. I hope that you face them, squarely and wholly and as deeply as […]

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The Beauty In The Mess

Many years from now, when you look back at the chapter in your story that you are in the middle of writing at this very moment, what do you want it to say? I used to want my story to be tidy and efficient and easy to read out loud. I wanted to leave the […]

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On Grief, Loss and Silver Linings

Grief. It’s fear and pain and disbelief and rage and what feels like never-ending sadness, all rolled up into one big mess of dark and ugly feelings. Grief takes hold of you and you can’t muster the motivation to get out of bed in the morning. Multiple times throughout the day your eyes well up […]

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Give Me Failure

Failure has taught me many things. Self-hate, for instance. Failure has taught me lots and lots about that. It has taught me how to be really great at tearing myself down and convincing myself that I will never succeed. It has taught me fear. Failure hurts. It cuts deep and it is difficult to recover […]

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