The Things I Don’t Talk About

Vulnerability hooks me. It calls me close. It’s a brave act. A demonstration that the thing being shared is more important than the perceived safety of holding it inside. That the thing needing to be revealed is far more important than the discomfort of revealing it. It’s a sacrifice. An unfolding. A blessing. Vulnerability comes […]

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On healing

I remember being twenty-five, newly sober, and feeling like the scum of the earth. Everything felt impossibly hard and overwhelming. I remember being scared, so scared, that I had messed everything up beyond the possibility of repair. Everything was a hurdle. I couldn’t figure out how I had gotten to where I was, why everything […]

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Turkeys

Every time I push publish on a new post, I have a moment of feeling sick to my stomach. I feel panicky and trauma-y and question what in the actual f*ck I just did. Why do I make this choice? Why do I feel a call to share all of this? Why in God’s name […]

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Anyways, Despite, and in the Name Of.

I watch people around me doing brave things, every single day. Women and men alike setting their junk aside to go out and own their destiny. I wish that they could see me cheering for them, these astoundingly brave people. I’m in their corner- believing in them, hoping for them, celebrating with them. Sometimes these […]

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On turning it all around

I started a new job last month. Let me preface this story with saying that I was happy, mostly very happy, in the job I was in. I had actually never been happier at work. The company was wonderful. The team was fantastic. I was a top performer and had just started to feel I […]

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On Drinking Too Much

At twenty-five, I was working as a waitress and not using the fairly impressive-sounding degree I held from a fairly prestigious California university. From an outsider’s view, it didn’t make much sense. Why was she working in the restaurant industry and not using any of her potential? I frequently got asked by the customers I was […]

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This Is 30

It feels so good to finally be here. Anticipating thirty was about as enjoyable as going to the dentist for a cleaning. I hate the dentist and I hated working up to turning thirty. It made me queasy. It made me panic. It made me question what on Earth I have been doing my whole […]

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In 2017 I Hope

In January, I wrote out my list of wishes for me and for you, and┬álife gave me exactly what I needed to bring this list into fruition. This year taught me that in 2017… I hope that you look at your fears. I hope that you face them, squarely and wholly and as deeply as […]

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Enough

One of the hardest things I grapple with is convincing myself that I do, that I am, enough. There’s this incessant feeling ruminating in the background, this self-appraisal that often goes too far and bleeds into self-deprecation, that I should be doing more. That I should be further along. That I should be more than […]

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Big Birthdays

This Thursday marked three years without a drink. And in seven days I will turn twenty-nine. On that day three years ago, I was starting over. Internally, everything felt wrong. While to outsiders it looked like I was holding everything together, inside I was a mess. I had hit a dead-end. I was more terrified […]

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